Quest For A House Part II

"Do you have a High School diploma, Mr…" the clerk wondered, eyes scanning the paper, "E-123?"

"You may refer to me as 'Omega' if you wish, Social Worker Unit," the robot in question answered, sitting uncomfortably in a chair at the employment agency.

"Alright, Mr. Omega. Do you have a High School Diploma?" she then asked, looking bored.

"I am a robotic device. I can calculate your heartbeat, breathing rate, and digestion in the matter of seconds, all while solving complex calculus, plus perform amazing physical feats, the likes of which you fleshy organ bags could never imagine," Omega stated simply, never blinking, being a robot.

"So, no then?" the clerk sighed, holding up a pen.

"…No…" Omega answered finally.

"A G.E.D.?" the clerk wondered.

"Several," the robot answered, thinking that G.E.D. stood for 'Guided Electronic Defense.'

"Can you show me?" the clerk wondered, writing something on the piece of paper Omega had filled out.

"Certainly. You may wish to step back."

[. . .]

"What part of I'm the Ultimate Life Form do you not get?" Shadow asked, exasperated as he struggled to reason with the clerk he was talking to, a balding man in his late forties.

"I'm sorry sir, but I'm afraid we don't have any jobs on file that…well, fit your past endeavors," the clerk answered, giving a small shrug.

"I help save the world once, save it on my own once as well, and this is what I get?" Shadow snorted, leaning back in the chair, considering using some well placed Chaos Blasts in the Employment Agency Building.

However, before he could begin building up just enough rage for one, the wall beside him exploded, an anti-missile missile exploding it, Omega next room over demonstrating his Guided Electronic Defense to the stunned woman, who was now attempting to hide under her desk.

"OMEGA!" Shadow shouted, ducking as a laser sliced through the desk of the balding man, who was now attempting to escape with his enormous gut.

"What?" Omega wondered, charging a rather powerful laser, the foundations of the building badly shaken, threatening to fall, the people inside streaming out.

"Don't-" Shadow began, but was cut off suddenly as Omega's laser was fired.

[. . .]

It was a few hours later, and Shadow finally regained consciousness, slightly surprised to find himself upside down in a tree.

"Well then…" the Ultimate Life Form muttered, struggling out of the tree and hopping down, looking about where he was.

He was in the middle of a busy city, the tree he had been one of those trees that are put up to help improve the area and what not.

"Now…" Shadow said to himself, looking around, "Where is Omega?"

"Ding-a-ling, ding-a-ling, time for ice cream, ding-a-ling-ding-a-ling-time for fun!"

The hedgehog turned to the source of the noise, and found Omega by an ice cream truck, a gaggle of kids behind him, eagerly waiting for their turn to buy the delicious treat.

"What is the nature of this 'ice cream' as you call it?" Omega wondered, holding a scoop of chocolate ice cream on a cone.

"Dude, just give me the buck and get going. I got to get ice cream to those kids," the annoyed ice cream man said, waiting to be paid.

"Very well then," Omega answered, producing his ten dollar bill, receiving his change, then walking off, attempting to eat the ice cream cone, but finding that impossible with no mouth.

"Omega…We're saving for a house, remember?" Shadow asked as Omega walked up, his face smeared with the uneaten ice cream.

"Affirmative Comrade Shadow. I simply wished to try something new, think outside my programming," the robot replied.

Shadow sighed and shook his head. Things were looking bleak. Together, they had nineteen dollars now, and since Omega had…accidentally…destroyed the Unemployment Agency, they would have to find jobs on their own. Thus, they could then purchase a house, once they received enough money.

Looking around, as if hoping to find a clue to their problems, Shadow came across a flyer.

Ripping it out of the hands of the buzzing bee who held it, the hedgehog looked over it carefully, the bee, who had seen the ice cream truck, forgot about the flyer and headed off to buy ice cream.

"'Lost Cat. Cash reward if found. Please contact for further information.'" Shadow read, a telephone number then given afterwards.

"Ahah! An answer to our money troubles Omega!" Shadow declared, waving the flyer in front of his robotic friend and ally.

"I do not think that adequate funds can be acquired from this pursuit of a feline," Omega answered, looking quite silly with chocolate ice cream and cone bits plastered to his face.

"Look, we need the money," Shadow reasoned, "And it can't take us to long to find this cat, right?"

"I suppose so…" Omega answered back. "Then let us call this number."

Opening up, Omega's chest plate expanded, and revealed a phone hanging on a receiver, a rotary dialing system by it.

"Rotary? Figured you'd be touch tone Omega," Shadow joked, picking up the phone and proceeding to rotate the number.

"Eggman is a cheap bast-" Omega began, but then cut off by his friend, as someone picked up the phone on the other end.

"Hello?! Hello?!" the voice shouted, clearly audible over the phone from five feet away, the Ultimate Life Form thrusting the phone away from his ear, "Who is this?!"

The voice seemed to belong to an old woman, one who got easily annoyed by things and disliked the younger generation with intense loathing.

"Ummm…Hello…" Shadow said tentatively, bringing the phone back to his head, "I saw your flyer for a lost cat and…"

"Lost cat?! You mean Mr. Muffins?!" the old lady screeched, though not as loud, as Omega had taken care to lower the volume. "Did you find my Mr. Muffins?!"

"No ma'am, I just saw your flyer," Shadow coughed, trying his best not to be annoyed by the voice, "And I wanted to find him, and I was hoping you could tell us what he looked like and where he was last seen."

"Alright young man! Come to my house and I'll show you a picture of Mr. Muffins!" the old lady shouted. She then proceeded to give Shadow the address, who wrote it down on a piece of paper and pencil that Omega handed to him.

Hanging up, Shadow studied the address.

"Wait…Where are we?" Shadow wondered, "And I have no idea where this address is."

"I shall figure it out Comrade Shadow!" Omega said, then became perfectly still, wireless accessing the internet.

Connection with dial-up, as Omega said earlier, "Eggman is a cheap bast-", whatever a 'bast' is, the robot then accessed Yahoo! Maps…

"Come Comrade Shadow!" Omega then declared, suddenly grabbing Shadow by the quills and dragging him off down the street, barreling through people…

[. . .]

After an escapade involving an illegal Mexican drug ring, barrels of apples, the Fires of Mount Doom, and Leonard Nemoy, Omega and Shadow had finally made it to the old lady's house, where an annoyed Shadow wearing a red fedora hat knocked on the door, a sheepish-looking, if robots could indeed have that look, Omega behind him, hands behind his back.

"Hello?! Hello?!" the voice shouted from the door, as it opened inwards, a very small and stooped, stereotypical old lady emerging from it, wearing glasses large enough and thick enough to be used as a magnifying glass, "What do you want?!"

"Ummm…I'm here about your lost cat," Shadow answered.

"OH! Come in, come in dears!" the lady bellowed, and Shadow and Omega followed, immediately hit with a wave of noxious smell, something that smelled like it had died two weeks previously, along with the rest of it's herd. Even Omega, who had no sense of smell, recoiled from it.

The news was on, something about Eggman and the destruction of a prison, and that Sonic was after him and what not.

"Ah!" the old lady screeched, "That Sonic fellow, not that bad! That Shadow one though, oohhhh…He's evil, I know it! If I ever came across him, I'd belt him a good one! Now, what was your name sonny?!"

Shadow paused. While he wasn't afraid of this old lady, he still wanted her money, and if she knew he was Shadow, he doubted that she'd let them search for her cat.

"Ummm…" the Ultimate Life Form paused, playing with the brim of his red fedora hat, searching for a name, "The name's…Gently…Dirk…Gently."

"Dirk Gently?! Is that a foreign name?!" the old lady demanded.

"…Sure…and this is my associate…Mr…" Shadow paused, again, looking towards Omega, who shrugged.

"Mr…Adams! Mr. Adams," Shadow finally shouted, "Now, about your cat…"

[. . .]

"Comrade Shadow…Or should I say Comrade Gently, the lost cat is not within this cone object," Omega, or as he was known to the old lady 'Mr. Adams' told the red fedora hat wearing hedgehog.

"That's a trash can Omega. And call me Shadow when we're not within earshot of the old lady," the hedgehog in question answered.

The two were looking around the old lady's house, well, outside of it, as Omega's scans only picked up the old lady in the house. After both receiving a copy of what Mr. Muffins looked like, a normal gray tabby, they headed outside to scout the immediate area.

Stepping over a lawn gnome, Shadow scratched his head in confusion. It seemed that finding this cat would be very difficult. In fact, it might take all of his epic skill as The Ultimate Life Form.

Perhaps he should make some business cards…

"Meow."

"What was that Omega?" Shadow wondered, turning towards the robot, who had produced a bowl of crème, and having set it down, attracted several dozen cats.

"Omega! That's brilliant!" the hedgehog shouted exuberantly, "But where did you get the crème?"

Omega paused, looking down towards said bowl full of the milk-like substance, then up towards Shadow, "It is the crème I use for my coffee, Comrade Shadow."

"But…you don't…" Shadow began, confused.

"Don't what, Comrade Shadow?" the robot wondered, also confused as well, scratching his metal head.

Shadow just sighed, exasperated, then headed over to the cats, producing the picture of the cat called Mr. Muffins, comparing them with the cats at the bowl, then pulled one out, and was soon scratched several times.

"AHHH! Get it off, get it off!" Shadow yelled, arms flailing through the air, hopping backwards on one foot as Mr. Muffins unleashed his feline fury on the Ultimate Life Form.

"I shall aid you Comrade Shadow!" Omega yelled heroically, and aimed his cannons towards Shadow.

"No, wait, don-!"

[. . .]

"Here's your cat…" a smoky Shadow muttered, his red fedora hat unscathed from Omega's missile barrage, as was Mr. Muffins. He deposited the cat by the feet of the old lady, who hissed, then began to clean itself. Not the old lady, the cat. Silly.

"Thank you dearies!" the old lady exploded with what Shadow and Omega could only assume to be tolerance, "Here's your payment!"

The old lay took out a person, then removed a large wad of cash, handing it to the stunned Shadow, who looked towards it in disbelief, who then handed it towards a confused Omega.

"Comrade Shadow…" Omega began, but Shadow cut him off.

"Thank you," Shadow grinned, then headed for the door before the old lady could change her mind. Once outside and on the street, the hedgehog turned eagerly to his friend. "Alright! How much did we make?"

"I was trying to tell you earlier, Comrade Shadow. "This is Monopoly money." He then proceeded to wave the multi colored pieces of paper in Shadow's face.

Shadow twitched, beginning to turn the same red as his hat, though not in embarrassment.

"DAMN YOU MILTON BRADLEY!" Shadow bellowed into the sky, growing redder, as Omega stepped back carefully, out of range.

Then, Shadow exploded.

[. . .]

"…Now where are we?" Shadow wondered, waking up to find himself slung over Omega's left shoulder.

Looking around, it seemed as though it was still the city, large buildings looming above them, people pushing past them.

"You life forms refer to it as Station Square," Omega answered.

"And what do you robots refer to it as?" Shadow wondered, hopping off Omega's shoulder and walking beside him, and realizing, with a bit of sadness, that his hat seemed to have disappeared.

"Station Square as well, Comrade Shadow, but you didn't hear it from me," the robot responded, very quietly. "Now, how shall we acquire monetary funds?"

Shadow frowned, rubbing his chin thoughtfully, gazing around the city, then stopped, smiling broadly as he saw their answer.

"That…" Shadow grinned, pointing towards it, "Is the answer…"